tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
