I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
