I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
