You just made me feel so damn special
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
