moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
