I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Boobs are out for the taking
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
