I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
