That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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