Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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