i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize