Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
