Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
