i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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