I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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