Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
