HIV tests are more positive than that guy
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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