One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize