Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
