I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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