the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
try to milk me bitch
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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