Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
