I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
