My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
