We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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