xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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