so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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