U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
