So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
