I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
