Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
