I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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