I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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