Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Green mimosas i think yes
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
