dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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