I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
