I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
