I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
