after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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