Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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