Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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