Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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