I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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