You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize