I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
