if only i could text you this smell
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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