In America we eat man semen.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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