I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
His hands were made for my vagina.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
