Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
