I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
