He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
