Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
