it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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