So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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