She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
