Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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