Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
