Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
