Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
