so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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