all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My boob is missing a layer of skin
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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