i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize