I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
