At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
