I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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