she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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