you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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