hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
