So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
