Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
