Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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