hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
