just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
