the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
