she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
