I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
