Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
