they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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