God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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